Overcoming adversity is one of the hallmarks to success and happiness. I am always on the look out for people who I think have an interesting way to deal with situations. In my experience as the unofficial counsellor to more than a few people, I have found ignorance and ostrich-ing to be the most common way to deal with situations. Which made me wonder -- why is that so?
One hypothesis is that problems tend to pass, as does happiness ala "this too shall pass". By burying heads one does not need the courage to deal with situations. This however is a very unsatisfying approach to me. I have learnt very intriguing things about my mind by attempting to face my fears - for every visible fear there is usually a causal fear somewhere hidden in the recesses of the mind. I further argue that these causal fears are imbibed from family, society and upbringing.
By attempting to admit the worst case scenario and being comfortable with that idea - I often feel I am better equipped to deal with the situation, whatever it may be. I have loosely lumped depression and loneliness into this theme mostly because I believe there are causal factors for them too!
The Bene Gesserit Littainy against Fear.
Pg 19 of Dune
I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
(Side note: I think this book is meh, at best. It is basically a medley of the following - white dude discovers S.Asia/Middle-east. Mix with Abrahamic religious text. Throw in some space travel. Voila! If you really want to read something that is worth contemplating, I recommend - The foundation series)
If I am making it seem that decrypting the sources of fears and problems is easy, then you are mistaken. Here is an analogy - let us say you are listening to a symphony and are trying to identify the individual instruments contributions that make up the whole. The melody is but a sweet mixture of all the instruments in synchrony (or not). An understanding of each instrument's role leads to a much richer appreciation of the whole. But in life symphonies don't tend to get played on repeat till we have the richest understanding. Life, seemingly is an unending set of symphonies with artists, instruments and themes changing. By trying to understand the parts and the whole, both of which are constantly changing, we are often left playing catchup. Still, I subscribe to this idea because I believe if you are astute and determined enough, you can eventually appreciate enough of both the whole and the parts.
Residual emotions
All what I have said above is nice and dandy if we were androids. There is often residual emotions even after having dealt with things. Time of course is one of the most beautiful healers, as long as you don't fight it and have learnt from the past! Since 25 though, I have often found setting myself a new challenge the way to deal with these residual emotions. I have a few rules for this challenge
a) it should involve only me and my mind to accomplish
b) it should be something that is hard or challenging
c) it should have a positive outcome in the end whichever way it ends
So far, I have quit smoking. Run a half marathon and now, training for a full marathon! Some of the harder things that I have tried and have only half succeeded are things like - turning the other cheek to churlishness and being helpful/empathetic in spite of ingratitude.
Having stated the above, I would make a poor scientist if I did not explain where my model fails. As an ideology, it requires unceasing curiosity to question and follow a thread of questions. It also is mentally demanding, especially if you are already exhausted by whatever it is that is bothering you. Lastly, there is always the problem of analysis paralysis or the fact that you might be analyzing the wrong things. It is probably not important if she was mad at you because you wore the wrong perfume because "those who mind, don't matter; those who matter, don't mind" - Bernard Baruch.
How do you deal with these things?
One hypothesis is that problems tend to pass, as does happiness ala "this too shall pass". By burying heads one does not need the courage to deal with situations. This however is a very unsatisfying approach to me. I have learnt very intriguing things about my mind by attempting to face my fears - for every visible fear there is usually a causal fear somewhere hidden in the recesses of the mind. I further argue that these causal fears are imbibed from family, society and upbringing.
By attempting to admit the worst case scenario and being comfortable with that idea - I often feel I am better equipped to deal with the situation, whatever it may be. I have loosely lumped depression and loneliness into this theme mostly because I believe there are causal factors for them too!
The Bene Gesserit Littainy against Fear.
Pg 19 of Dune
I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
(Side note: I think this book is meh, at best. It is basically a medley of the following - white dude discovers S.Asia/Middle-east. Mix with Abrahamic religious text. Throw in some space travel. Voila! If you really want to read something that is worth contemplating, I recommend - The foundation series)
If I am making it seem that decrypting the sources of fears and problems is easy, then you are mistaken. Here is an analogy - let us say you are listening to a symphony and are trying to identify the individual instruments contributions that make up the whole. The melody is but a sweet mixture of all the instruments in synchrony (or not). An understanding of each instrument's role leads to a much richer appreciation of the whole. But in life symphonies don't tend to get played on repeat till we have the richest understanding. Life, seemingly is an unending set of symphonies with artists, instruments and themes changing. By trying to understand the parts and the whole, both of which are constantly changing, we are often left playing catchup. Still, I subscribe to this idea because I believe if you are astute and determined enough, you can eventually appreciate enough of both the whole and the parts.
Residual emotions
All what I have said above is nice and dandy if we were androids. There is often residual emotions even after having dealt with things. Time of course is one of the most beautiful healers, as long as you don't fight it and have learnt from the past! Since 25 though, I have often found setting myself a new challenge the way to deal with these residual emotions. I have a few rules for this challenge
a) it should involve only me and my mind to accomplish
b) it should be something that is hard or challenging
c) it should have a positive outcome in the end whichever way it ends
So far, I have quit smoking. Run a half marathon and now, training for a full marathon! Some of the harder things that I have tried and have only half succeeded are things like - turning the other cheek to churlishness and being helpful/empathetic in spite of ingratitude.
Having stated the above, I would make a poor scientist if I did not explain where my model fails. As an ideology, it requires unceasing curiosity to question and follow a thread of questions. It also is mentally demanding, especially if you are already exhausted by whatever it is that is bothering you. Lastly, there is always the problem of analysis paralysis or the fact that you might be analyzing the wrong things. It is probably not important if she was mad at you because you wore the wrong perfume because "those who mind, don't matter; those who matter, don't mind" - Bernard Baruch.
How do you deal with these things?
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